Wheres bill

[forest of dean redneck 11,183]

6 minutes ago, Saltmoon said:

No because katch would have seen him coming a mile away and the Kelpie would have out smarted him

Bill or Katchum

[Black neck 15,156]

24 minutes ago, forest of dean redneck said:

Bill or Katchum

Both

[forest of dean redneck 11,183]

1 minute ago, W. Katchum said:

This kelpie x is proper clever but don’t outsmart ye. Just teaches ye a better way a doin stuff

The student has become the master grasshopper

[forest of dean redneck 11,183]

1 minute ago, W. Katchum said:

I like to think of it as a master class. Or a partenership

Civil?

[forest of dean redneck 11,183]

1 minute ago, W. Katchum said:

You been on them sites too long deffo a buissness one

No I meant swearing at it  

I’m  not mushroom

[jigsaw 11,809]

you ever hear the saying ''LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE ''?...SHUT THE FUK UP OR YOU WILL AWAKEN THE BEAST LOL...i bet hes a nice feller outside of the forums ....

[Black neck 15,156]

9 minutes ago, jigsaw said:

you ever hear the saying ''LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE ''?...SHUT THE FUK UP OR YOU WILL AWAKEN THE BEAST LOL...i bet hes a nice feller outside of the forums ....

Gentleman and a scholar 

[stormyboy 1,352]

1 minute ago, Black neck said:

Gentleman and a scholar 

No fecking scholar that's for sure.

[Black neck 15,156]

Just now, stormyboy said:

No fecking scholar that's for sure.

Jigsaw a nice bloke mate

[king 11,663]

5 hours ago, keepdiggin said:

He's with King 

[stormyboy 1,352]

1 minute ago, Black neck said:

Jigsaw a nice bloke mate

You know who I meant.

Ause hol.

[king 11,663]

[Black neck 15,156]

1 minute ago, stormyboy said:

You know who I meant.

Ause hol.

[THE STIFFMEISTER 14,553]

Hopefully the divvy has had an epiphany , I doubt it though 

[jukel123 6,570]

I can keep this secret no longer. I was called to act as witness, referee and banker to the showdown between Katchum and wild Bill. The purse was three quid, neither of the two c**ts had any money so I had to lend them £1.50  each which I kept safely in my pocket. I asked both men if they were ready to fight.  For some reason I suddenly started to talk in an Irish accent, maybe my mind had told me to get into character.

"Now then me boyos, Oi'll tell you what Oi'll do  wid yous. I want a good clean fight. No boitin, gouging, f****n head butting  or any shoite like that.  I will ask you to shake hands every so often and when we've f****n finished we'll have a f****n bevy, order some  f****n tarmac and go and rip off some  f****n pensioners.

 At this point Bill and Katch started to shake hands.

" For f**k's sake", I exploded. " You've got to foight first"! Otherwise I will put it all over THL that you're a pair of shit in the bucket cowards!"

Reluctantly they agreed. The fight went something like this.

 Bill....."Ya ta fi hybrid c**t fi jukel, (commee c**t). have at ye  ye scotch yorkshire bender".

Katch. "I'll  banjo ye with a bottle of Buckie ye English twat that  ye are".

Bill circled Katch with a murderous glint in his one remaining eye (he's kept quiet,  that out of sheer frustration, his old spelling teacher had poked him in the left peeper with his ballpoint pen and threatened and bribed him to stay stum. )

At this point Katchum's kelpie appeared. 'Look at ta skinny yousless piece of fi hybrid shite' spat Bill.

The proceedings began to look ugly. Katchum had gone from red in the face to white. His pup's honour was at stake. He rushed at Bill and managed to connect with an extremely limp wrist. Bill swore. "ya twat, ya fa fi hybrid vigour c**t i'll muller ye fi hybrid fa tie int hybrid".

At this point Katchum's Mrs came out and ordered Katchum in the house. Katchum slunk away trying not to catch my eye. Mrs Katchum then approached wild Bill, grabbed him by the lapels and nutted him squarely on the nose.  Bill managed to whisper "ya fi ta fi hybrid" and collapsed into unconsciousness. His bad eye stared at me grotesquely. Little did I know he was as good as dead, for within seconds Mrs Katchum jumped into a tractor, scooped Bill onto the front loader and dumped him into  a slurry pit.

"That's the fifth one this month" she spat at me.  "That wanker peering through the curtains is  forever picking fights on the internet. You keep your b*****d  mouth shut, you decrepit smelly old c**t or you'll end up in that slurry pit along with the rest".

" Madam" I said. " I am 70 years old, please speak to me respectfully". She kicked me in the balls, viciously. "Not a bad pair she said, a lot bigger that Katchum's".

"You flatter me Mrs would you like to feel the rest of my wedding tackle?"

Mrs Katch shook her head in disgust at my chat up line. " Why don't you f**k off to the graveyard ya f****n coffin dodger. Just f**k off and keep your mouth shut or else I'm coming for you"

You will understand fellow THL members. I was extremely frightened and upset. I have agonised about my position for some time and decided reluctantly to grass the Katchums up. I have therefore instructed plod to search a certain Yorkshire slurry pit. This is the last you will hear from me or Katch for some time.The  Katchums I am afraid will  be dining on English porridge for the foreseeable future. I am leaving the country in case Mrs Katch escapes and comes looking for me. Goodbye.

( New and improved version, I should get out more)

Edited January 17, 2020 by jukel123