Good, bad & the shitty

[BenBhoy 4,706]

Dear all, I have a confession, today was a career low.

 

The good...having wrapped last silage field, thought I'd treat myself to couple hours decoying. Had intended for crows but pigeons committed fantastic. Ended 2 hour session with 17 pigeons & 4 blacks. One particular satisfying one, pigeon doing cocking flight, flap flap glide, flap flap glide, flap flap BANG.

The ugly.... A612 jammed for first time, very annoying as you watch pigeon jink away. Strip down & deep clean tonight. 

The shitty....now for the worst bit. About 20 minutes in I started getting worst belly ache ever had, even my bollocks were hurting. Just couldn't fathom it. Thought I'd try for a piss despite not needing one...quick fart as weeing WHOA that wasn't a fart!!! Thank God jack pyke trouser can be dropped so quick. Trapped against a hedge, pants & trousers round my ankles... Nothing for it, better out than in, I waddled  half naked down to a dyke, unloaded my gut rot, then had to use ditch water to clean my arse muslim stylee. Career low point!! I'm hoping confessing will feel cathartic. (Btw if anyone doesn't believe me, I can inbox you pictures!!) 

 

[Sausagedog 7,381]

Good job I had my glasses close to hand? For a moment I thought you had got it all over yer face!

Nowt wrong going al fresco just don't be offended should I decline to shake your hand.

 

[Stavross 13,713]

Oh dear, by the look in your eyes that troubled you a bit

[Gav 1,708]

This is why I always have a pack of Kleanex in a pocket or two

I did at one point have a wee pack of them moist toilet wipes, they were bliss, the packs seem to have gotten a lot larger now though so not as practical!

[David.evans 5,323]

If you looked at me like that in the field I'd shit my self as well lol 

atb 

[BenBhoy 4,706]

29 minutes ago, Gav said:

This is why I always have a pack of Kleanex in a pocket or two

I did at one point have a wee pack of them moist toilet wipes, they were bliss, the packs seem to have gotten a lot larger now though so not as practical!

I'm trying to scale down the amount of kit I take decoying, but yeah they might have to get added. And a lighter to burn them after!! 

[Meece 1,957]

I've heard of some that have offloaded into the top of their overalls.  I did hear of one bloke that was loose and had to cut the top off of his overalls and used some wire as a belt to hold the trouser bit up.  I had a near escape one time when I  was that desperate and pulled up at a public toilet only to find out that it was the local gaylords cottage !!!   Needs must when the devil drives. And there was the time on a flignt back from Mauritius when it was bad. I think that I might have caught several ships on fire coming over the channel !!  I think that the whole plane was aflicted, because everyone made a beeline for the bogs when we landed at Gatwick. I think it was caused by the smoked marlin salad out of Nairobi.

Edited July 3, 2019 by Meece

[Deker 3,450]

2 hours ago, Gav said:

This is why I always have a pack of Kleanex in a pocket or two

I did at one point have a wee pack of them moist toilet wipes, they were bliss, the packs seem to have gotten a lot larger now though so not as practical!

That area is always covered in the motor, emergency "supplies" live in it, as well as in shooting jackets etc!

[shovel leaner 7,648]

I call them “having a wild one “. And I’m afraid it’s a regular occurrence for yours truly. I’m a creature of habit and when I get up in the morning it’s the first thing I attend to . But at this time of year I’m out at 5.0am checking my birds, well I don’t want one before I leave ....too early. But very often, before I finish my checking the pens and before I can make it back to “civilisation “ , it’s “touching cloth” , the “tortoise is sticking his head out of the shell” .. you get the idea . Well this once I got all hot and bothered and had to have a “wild one “ , I found a fallen tree that I thought just perfect to support me as I relaxed , well it couldn’t support me it was rotten and I fell back into you know what and I was a stinking mess with pine needles adding to my indignity. I don’t know why , but I sprang up and did a meerkat impression, looking around to see if someone had witnessed me at my lowest and most undignified state .... why I thought someone would be about in the middle of a conifer plantation at that time of day I don’t know ? But a trip to a small stream soon had me back ... clean as a whistle, and none the worse for my accident... nature’s Bidet!!!!

[Sausagedog 7,381]

2 hours ago, BenBhoy said:

I'm trying to scale down the amount of kit I take decoying, but yeah they might have to get added. And a lighter to burn them after!! 

Biological warfare is illegal!

[Sausagedog 7,381]

You all reminded me of the time the head keeper came to and asked if I was in such and such wood first light.

Yes I said, looking the poults.

I thought so he said. He went on to inform me that he bumped into the gaffer walking his cockers later that morning and he was annoyed because one of his dogs had been rolling in badger poop.

The keeper said he thought to himself "that ain't no badger poop"!

[BenBhoy 4,706]

I knew I could rely on you lot to make me feel 'norma'l again. Those townies, they'll never understand. 

[toxo 160]

7 hours ago, timmytree said:

You were lucky! Years ago I was overnight piking in freezing weather on Kings Sedgemoor drain, had a curry in the evening and a few hours later got that urgent straining on the nipsy. Got behind an old wall and dropped one piece suit, jeans and caks and let go. Like vesuvius but without the smoke. Cleared up with newspaper, I bet thats the first time Sam Fox has had her face somewhere like that! Anyway, up with jeans and caks, pulled the suit on and then flipped the hood up. Then I got the stink and the hot wet brown stuff running down my face. Shit in my hood! 

ROFPML!

Made I larf that did.