Condoms

[The one 8,397]

Well ever the joker i took a new start into the counsellor at work and shes giving away condoms  now i thought they where fag packets all lined up on her display ive never seen a feckin range like it , so i said you got any extra extra small for jimmy and he took a red face and bolted , Then i said can i get some so she says if you must Bob normally she  gives me piles of sweets to get rid of me LOL . so i lift a packet of King sized then i say there no big enough a take a packet of super king sized  my mate lfts the chart with holes in it to  show the sizes if you need the Super King Sized like me you aint got a penis your feckin deformed unless your folding this johnny over two or three times your using braces to hold it up LOL 

So i grab what i think are sweeties with strawberries or lemons on the packets  but there lubs LOL what are the youngsters up to ?Then i grab a packet with smiley face icons on them wtf 

[peterhunter86 8,627]

I don't use them, the mrs doesn't like the smell of burning rubber 

[Blackmag 5,870]

I'm a jaffa since having the snip but I feel your pain having a third leg Bob 

[Dinosaurs 2,008]

I only thought they came in 3 Sizes......Small medium & Liar !! Atb

[Meece 1,957]

 

10 hours ago, The one said:

 so i lift a packet of King sized then i say there no big enough a take a packet of super king sized  my mate lfts the chart with holes in it to  show the sizes if you need the Super King Sized like me you aint got a penis your feckin deformed unless your folding this johnny over two or three times your using braces to hold it up LOL 

 

You wear braces to support your cock !! !  Now that's what you call an impediment.  Can you claim à benifit for that. Maybe it would be easier to transport it in a wheelbarrow. 8" is more than enough to control. Anyway your there to work not consider the size of your Willie.

Edited May 20, 2019 by Meece

[j j m 6,481]

burning rubber ha ha

[Greyman 25,256]

Can anyone else remember when blokes used to go into the barbers and ask for,, something for the weekend ,, the barber would slip a packet of Johnny,s into a brown paper bag and Do the deal

[Meece 1,957]

"Do you need Anything for the weekend sir"?   When I was a kid I remember the barber saying that to the men in there.  Obviously it didn't mean anything to me as I sat on the plank across the arms of the chair, but I  said to the barber that father could do with his lawnmower sharpened for the weekend. I remember the old boys laughing at this.

What sort of company has a councillor handing condoms out for free. ? What about doing some work ?

Edited May 20, 2019 by Meece

[delswal 3,817]

8 hours ago, Meece said:

"Do you need Anything for the weekend sir"?   When I was a kid I remember the barber saying that to the men in there.  Obviously it didn't mean anything to me as I sat on the plank across the arms of the chair, but I  said to the barber that father could do with his lawnmower sharpened for the weekend. I remember the old boys laughing at this.

 

Yeah a lawnmower shes on the turn 

[lurcherman 887 12,679]

Geezer in barber near me sells viagra

[Lenmcharristar 9,180]

27 minutes ago, Meece said:

"Do you need Anything for the weekend sir"?   When I was a kid I remember the barber saying that to the men in there.  Obviously it didn't mean anything to me as I sat on the plank across the arms of the chair, but I  said to the barber that father could do with his lawnmower sharpened for the weekend. I remember the old boys laughing at this.

What sort of company has a councillor handing condoms out for free. ? What about doing some work ?

well ya can bet they arent getting handed out in the mosques or wog shops

[jiggy 3,207]

I was working in a rural area years ago and went to local hotel for dinner.Old guy 83 years old was drinking  and told the barmaid he was taking viagra. She said to him what would an old Cnut like you be taking viagra for. He instantly replied it stops me rolling out of the bed. Quick wit and the old guy died 2 weeks later from old age. A good character .

[The one 8,397]

In the women's toilets they now put free  sanitary products  to help girls that cant afford them  so i said it was only fair they put free  johnny's in the guys and  got told there in the councillors office you just need the bottle  to ask her  but then you get the talk on safe sex LOL so i drop in with all the new starts and ask for extra extra small for them .

The cleaning supervisor used to top up the trays in the womens toilets once a week but now she says its nearly daily . Last week she said she topped up the tray and a girl came in and emptied the lot into her bag 100s of pads and tampons lol 

[The one 8,397]

12 hours ago, Meece said:

 

You wear braces to support your cock !! !  Now that's what you call an impediment.  Can you claim à benifit for that. Maybe it would be easier to transport it in a wheelbarrow. 8" is more than enough to control. Anyway your there to work not consider the size of your Willie.

You would need a belt and braces to support the condom feckers the size of a carrier bag 

[WILF 44,292]

8 minutes ago, The one said:

In the women's toilets they now put free  sanitary products  to help girls that cant afford them  so i said it was only fair they put free  johnny's in the guys and  got told there in the councillors office you just need the bottle  to ask her  but then you get the talk on safe sex LOL so i drop in with all the new starts and ask for extra extra small for them .

The cleaning supervisor used to top up the trays in the womens toilets once a week but now she says its nearly daily . Last week she said she topped up the tray and a girl came in and emptied the lot into her bag 100s of pads and tampons lol 

I’m sorry, I can’t hold it in anymore so I have to ask......what f***ing firm do you work at that has a councillor and hands out condoms?........do you work for the f***ing Terence Higgins Trust or what ? Lol

Edited May 20, 2019 by WILF