jigsaw 11,809 Posted January 20, 2017 Report Share Posted January 20, 2017 · So I'm at Pets at Home buying a bag of dog food for my dog ? While in the queue, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog ? Why else would I be buying dog food?So being top notch with the banter I told her "No, I don't have a dog, I'm starting my Dog Food Diet again" and that I probably really shouldn't because the last time, I had ended up in hospital, in intensive care with IV's in both arms and tubes coming out of most orifices. But I had lost 3 stone in 4 Weeks!I told her that it was essentially the Perfect Diet and all you have to do is load your pockets with handfuls of dry dog food and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. I get the 'Complete' food as it is nutritionally balanced, so it works really well, and I decided that I was going to give it another go. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with my story)Horrified, she asked if I had ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.I told her "No, I stepped off a curb to sniff a Cocker Spaniel's arse and a lorry hit me.I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Now that you've read this I have to confess, I stole it from another page! Now go make someone else laugh ??? 14 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
peterhunter86 8,627 Posted January 20, 2017 Report Share Posted January 20, 2017 Haha thats an old one. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ginger beard 4,652 Posted January 20, 2017 Report Share Posted January 20, 2017 thats quite funny,reminds me of a mate of mine.he has such a dry sence of humour that even after knowing him 6/7 years i'm still not sure if he's joking or not. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
brambles 3,062 Posted January 20, 2017 Report Share Posted January 20, 2017 Was standing in Asda at the returns desk when a fella approached and said to the assistant " I got this home and upon opening it I realised it was empty" handing her a disposable barbecue, she opened it up she looked very confused and said " but sir the tray and the coals are here" "yes I know" he said " but ther is no sausages, chops or chicken drumsticks" pointing to the outside of the box" "but sir you dont get the meat along with the barbecue the pictures are only for advertisement purposes" " YOUR F@CKING JOKING" he said " ive got another two of these in my freezer" I nearly pissed myself wae laughter 12 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Waz 4,204 Posted January 20, 2017 Report Share Posted January 20, 2017 You will love this.. https://youtu.be/OV7SXmHq0Bk 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BGD 6,385 Posted January 20, 2017 Report Share Posted January 20, 2017 Was standing in Asda at the returns desk when a fella approached and said to the assistant " I got this home and upon opening it I realised it was empty" handing her a disposable barbecue, she opened it up she looked very confused and said " but sir the tray and the coals are here" "yes I know" he said " but ther is no sausages, chops or chicken drumsticks" pointing to the outside of the box" "but sir you dont get the meat along with the barbecue the pictures are only for advertisement purposes" " YOUR F@CKING JOKING" he said " ive got another two of these in my freezer" I nearly pissed myself wae laughter Please tell me that really happened :laugh: pissing myself here 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
brambles 3,062 Posted January 21, 2017 Report Share Posted January 21, 2017 Aye buddy it's definitely true lol 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lurcherman 887 12,679 Posted January 21, 2017 Report Share Posted January 21, 2017 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sBYoZF408bc 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
j j m 6,481 Posted January 21, 2017 Report Share Posted January 21, 2017 very good Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jonesy 111 Posted January 21, 2017 Report Share Posted January 21, 2017 I,m in stitches here,brilliant Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Fieldsporthunter 1,864 Posted January 21, 2017 Report Share Posted January 21, 2017 ? ??? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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