Guest Ronny Posted March 17, 2017 Report Share Posted March 17, 2017 A new vibrator has just been invented that is so real that just before a woman reaches orgasm, it cums,coughs, farts, then goes limp and finally switches itself off Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted March 18, 2017 Report Share Posted March 18, 2017 Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ronny Posted March 20, 2017 Report Share Posted March 20, 2017 I grew up believing my grandad was a Japanese prisoner of war. Turns out he just likes hiding things up his arse. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
neil cooney 10,415 Posted March 20, 2017 Report Share Posted March 20, 2017 A young lad gets separated from his mother in a busy shopping center. A security guard sees him crying and asks him "what's your mummy like ?" "Cock and vodka," replies the little lad. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mister Gain 1,759 Posted March 20, 2017 Report Share Posted March 20, 2017 Paddy goes into work one Monday and says to his workmates, "My brother dropped dead on Saturday, He was only 37, in perfect health, never smoked or drank, worked out everyday, he just dropped dead." His workmates said, "Fcuking hell, Paddy, what happened?" Paddy said, "His parachute didn't open!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ronny Posted March 20, 2017 Report Share Posted March 20, 2017 They say that if you shave it off, it grows back thicker. Can't wait to see my new cock. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The one 8,396 Posted March 20, 2017 Report Share Posted March 20, 2017 The Nun and the Warm Milk In a convent in Ireland, the 99-year-old Mother Superior lay quietly. She was dying. The Nuns had gathered around her bed, laying garlands around her and trying to make her last journey comfortable. They wanted to give her warm milk to drink but she declined. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, they lifted her head gently and held the glass to her lips. The very frail Nun drank a little, then a little more And before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the Last drop. As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity To have one last talk with their spiritual leader. "Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom Before you leave us." She raised herself up very slowly in the bed on one elbow, looked at Them and said: "DON'T SELL THAT COW." 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
walshie 2,804 Posted March 20, 2017 Report Share Posted March 20, 2017 Paddy: "I've been shagging these two twins for the last couple of weeks." Mick: "How do you tell them apart?" Paddy: "That's easy. Julie's got blonde hair and Derek has a moustache." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
keepitcovert 842 Posted March 21, 2017 Report Share Posted March 21, 2017 An englishman has started a buisness in Afghanistan, making landmines that look like prayer mats, hes doing very well, prophets are going through the roof. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The one 8,396 Posted March 21, 2017 Report Share Posted March 21, 2017 Nicola Sturgeon, Donald Trump, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The Devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin calls Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a cheque. Next Donald Trump calls the U.S. and talks for 30 minutes. When he's finished the devil informs him that the cost is 6 million dollars, so Trump writes him a cheque. Finally Nicola Sturgeon gets her turn and calls Scotland for 4 hours. When she's finished, the devil informed her that there would be no charge and feel free to call Scotland anytime. Putin and Trump go ballistic and ask the devil why Nicola Sturgeon got to call Scotland free. The devil replied, "Since Nicola Sturgeon became First Minister of Scotland , the Country has gone to hell, so it's only a local call." 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The one 8,396 Posted March 21, 2017 Report Share Posted March 21, 2017 Paddy says to mick set the alarm for 5 tomorrow Mick feck off there's only 2 of us 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
keepitcovert 842 Posted March 21, 2017 Report Share Posted March 21, 2017 Paddy and Mick, reading the stones at a roadside cemetry, Paddy says jesus Mick this one had a good innings he was 136 when he died. What was his name said Mick. Miles from London says Paddy. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DogMan85 722 Posted March 21, 2017 Report Share Posted March 21, 2017 How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None........ 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
eastcoast 3,728 Posted March 22, 2017 Report Share Posted March 22, 2017 I think the people who would find the Irish potato joke funny wouldn't understand it anyway? What's red and invisible? No tomatoes 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Silversnake 1,099 Posted March 27, 2017 Report Share Posted March 27, 2017 How do you stop five n!ggers raping a white woman? Throw them a basket ball Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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