Funny Joke Thread

[Chid 6,376]

An Indian guy decides to open a takeaway in Belfast on the Shankill Road.

Sure enough, not long after he opens, he gets a visit from the "boys".

They start by asking him what religion he is. He replies that he is Hindu.

They said, "You're in Belfast now. You've got to choose a side. Proddy or Taig?"

Again he said he was neither. He was a Hindu.

So they asked where in India he was from. He said,"Delhi."

At that they shot him in both kneecaps.

As he lay there in agony, he asked why they had shot him.

The thug answered, "If you were a Prod, you'd have called it London-Delhi."

[Ted Newgent 4,896]

24 minutes ago, Chid said:

An Indian guy decides to open a takeaway in Belfast on the Shankill Road.

Sure enough, not long after he opens, he gets a visit from the "boys".

They start by asking him what religion he is. He replies that he is Hindu.

They said, "You're in Belfast now. You've got to choose a side. Proddy or Taig?"

Again he said he was neither. He was a Hindu.

So they asked where in India he was from. He said,"Delhi."

At that they shot him in both kneecaps.

As he lay there in agony, he asked why they had shot him.

The thug answered, "If you were a Prod, you'd have called it London-Delhi."

[Ted Newgent 4,896]

[Ken's Deputy 4,456]

 

 

 

 

[DIDO.1 20,855]

59 minutes ago, Ken's Deputy said:

 

 

 

 

That's spider Newgent out of coronation Street. And I've not watched TV for 20 years

[Foxpack 2 7,848]

[Foxpack 2 7,848]

[Astanley 11,465]

Why did the woman get thrown out of the Amish ?

too Menonite .

[Ken's Deputy 4,456]

 

 

[green lurchers 16,369]

 

[jetro 5,349]

BECOMING IRISH

Seven-year-old Mohammad entered his classroom in Dublin on the first day of school.

"What's your name?", asked the teacher.

"Mohammad," he replied.

"You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher,
"so from now on you will be known as Mick."

Mohammad returned home after school.
"How was your day, Mohammad?" his mother asked.
"My name is not Mohammad. I'm in Ireland and now my name is Mick."
"Are you ashamed of your name?" his mother asked. "Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!"
And his mother beat the shit out of him.
Then she called his father, who beat the shit out of him again.

The next day Mohammad returned to school.

The teacher saw all his fresh bruises.

"What happened to you, Mick?" she asked.

"Well, shortly after becoming an Irishman, I was attacked by two f***ing Muslims

Atb j 

[Ted Newgent 4,896]

For all you Taffys 

[jetro 5,349]

An Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball on the tee, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear:
"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any undies?" Her husband demanded.
"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any."
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says. "For the sake of decency, here's £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she too is wearing no undies.
"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no undies. Why not?"
She replies. "I can't afford any on the money you give me."
He reaches into his pocket and says. "For the sake of decency, here's £10. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
"Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where are yer drawers?"
She too explains. "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any!"
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and Says. "Well, fer the love' O Jesus, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit." 

[jetro 5,349]

https://www.(!64.56:886/carol.obrien.1848/videos/2904223169848226/?sfnsn=mo

[Foxpack 2 7,848]