Jonjon79 13,340 Posted April 13, 2021 Report Share Posted April 13, 2021 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
keepdiggin 9,216 Posted April 13, 2021 Report Share Posted April 13, 2021 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dytkos 17,536 Posted April 14, 2021 Report Share Posted April 14, 2021 Son: Why is my sister called Teresa? Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagram Son: Thanks dad Dad: No problem Alan Cheers, D. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dytkos 17,536 Posted April 14, 2021 Report Share Posted April 14, 2021 Cheers,. D. 4 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dytkos 17,536 Posted April 14, 2021 Report Share Posted April 14, 2021 I was driving home yesterday when I came up to one of those half barrier level crossings.The red lights were flashing and the barriers were on their way down so I pulled up sharply. Suddenly this car full of Pakis pulled out and tried to beat the lights and barriers. They got half way across when a large fully laden goods train hit them, the car disintegrated and all the occupants were killed instantly. I sat there open mouthed and thought "Jesus, that could have easily been me" So this morning I've sent off my train drivers application form to Network Rail Cheers, D. 12 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Saltmoon 2,208 Posted April 14, 2021 Report Share Posted April 14, 2021 1 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
smithie 2,429 Posted April 14, 2021 Report Share Posted April 14, 2021 I got a dog off the blacksmith. As soon as we got home he made a bolt for the door. 1 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
smithie 2,429 Posted April 14, 2021 Report Share Posted April 14, 2021 I have a headache The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache." "Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my dick with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!" 1 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dytkos 17,536 Posted April 14, 2021 Report Share Posted April 14, 2021 I came home from work today and my Mrs was led on the bed naked, licking a lollipop. I stood there and watched for a few minutes as she proceeded to slip it up her fanny. I said you'd better be careful with that as you've got to help the children cross the road tomorrow. Cheers, D. 1 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
smithie 2,429 Posted April 15, 2021 Report Share Posted April 15, 2021 I got into a car accident with a midget... He got out of his car, angrily shaking his fist and yelled, "I'm NOT happy!" "Well," I replied, "which one are you?" 1 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ArchieHood 3,692 Posted April 15, 2021 Report Share Posted April 15, 2021 1 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
eastcoast 3,729 Posted April 15, 2021 Report Share Posted April 15, 2021 40 minutes ago, sid g said: He may not be as daft as he looks... could be nicking the barra and the trolley Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gnipper 5,945 Posted April 15, 2021 Report Share Posted April 15, 2021 (edited) Edited April 15, 2021 by gnipper 2 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
si brown 8,486 Posted April 15, 2021 Report Share Posted April 15, 2021 2 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dytkos 17,536 Posted April 15, 2021 Report Share Posted April 15, 2021 On the new trend of black actors reprising the role of white film stars. George Formby is being portrayed by Samuel L Jackson. "Turned out nice again motherfuckers " Cheers, D. 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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