Blackbriar

A policeman stops a Muslim,who's leading a cow down the street and asks him where he's going. "I am taking it home to keep in my house",says the Muslim. "What about the shit,the flies and the smell?"asks the copper. The Muslim replies "She'll just have to get used to it!"

My son's teacher phoned today and said "Your son sprayed 'All Muslims are cnuts' " on the school gates. I said I didn't believe her, but she said "I saw him do it - you know what this means,don't you?". I said "Of course - it means I owe him a tenner!"

More than230 people died in the Pakistan earthquake last night. The smell of the bodies is said to be "appalling" - and it will only get worse now they're dead !

Following the Kenyan massacre,armed terrorists have stormed the streets of Bradford,shooting anyone who isn't a Muslim. Police fear the death toll could be as high as 6.

Had to take my best mate to the vet this afto - his dog had to go on 'the long walk'. Gutted for the bloke

It's true that 'once you've had black,you'll never go back'. I got engaged to a black girl and now my family have disowned me !!

A Paki dies and goes to heaven. The gates are opened by a surprised St.Peter, who says "Can I help you?" The Paki says "I was called here by Jesus." St.Peter turns and shouts "Jesus - your taxi's here!"

What do you call a smiling black man ? Snigger !

2black guys talking. One says "After sex with a white woman, do you ever get teary-eyed?" . His mate says "All the time - I think it's the pepper spray !"

I said to my wife, "Can we swap positions tonight?" She said, "Great idea! You stand by the sink, and I'll sit on the sofa, farting all night!"

Just back from a week's fishing . Not so much as a bite ! Why do I bother ??

PC World - have to watch what you say in there !!

Mulched and pressed 12lb of blackberries for the first batch of autumn wine. Kitchen looks like Jack the Ripper's been let loose

I picked up a packet of Tampax for the wife earlier. I don't get embarrassed buying them, but she says they're not a 'proper' present!

A woman went to the doctor, complaining of stomach pains.He examined her and said "You'll need to get used to sleepless nights,with bouts of crying and nappy changing". "Why? Am I pregnant?" she asks. "No" says the doctor"You've got bowel cancer!" (Do you think that one's a bit much?)

What's brown and runny? Usain Bolt!!

How many dead prostitutes can you fit in a garage? 6 - if I tidy up a bit first!

What's the differnece between a dead prostitute and a food mixer? I haven't got a food mixer in the boot of my car!

What's the difference between a dead prostitute and a food mixer? I haven't got a food mixer in the boot of my car !

I've just got back from the holiday of a lifetime.Never again!

What's the difference between a fridge and a gay fella? the fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out!

My wife said I should get our son ready for his first day at school - so Ipunched him in the face and took his lunch money!

Tip for some of the young ladies I've seen today. Don't wear a crop-top if your belly goes flop-flop!!

Went for my regular check-up today,and they insisted on a rectal examination. Do you think I should change my dentist?

Ramadan - putting the 'slim' back into Muslim!