Blackbriar

It's just gone noon,half-past monsoon,on the banks of the river Nile........

You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack.........

The doctor said to me "Say aaah!". I said " Why?" He said " My dog died yesterday."

Took the wife out for an Indian yesterday. Well, there's no room for sentiment when you're a hit-man !!

On the first part of the journey, I was looking at all the life...........

You stir my natural emotions. You make me feel I'm dirt, and I'm hurt.......

The night is young,the moon is mellow and there's music in my ears.........

I can't seem to face up to the facts. I'm tense and nervous, and I can't relax.......

All men have secrets and here is mine,so let it be known...........

Libraries gave us power...........

In number 69 there lives a transvestite....

My wife says I'm obsessed with revenge. We'll see about that !

My uncle Jack was a hypnotist...WHO...DID...NOT...TOUCH...ME...WHEN...I...WAS...A...KID...

I just read an article in the paper that says 70% of Americans pray before they eat. Imagine praying 19 times a day !!

I've got a new neighbour,Abdul. My wife said I should get to know him and understand his ways a bit more. So I kidnapped him, tied him up, stoned him and put the video on the internet !

My wife thinks I'm nosey - at least that's what she wrote in her diary AND texted to all her mates !

An 8 inch canister was found in the doorway of Luton mosque today.Worshippers said they had no idea what it was. Turned out to be Lynx !

A Muslim was on 5Live today,saying that in an ideal world,all gays would be hanged. I was shocked !- what's a Muslim doing in an ideal world ??

A masked gunman has stormed the Celebrity Big Brother house and killed everyone. The victims have not yet been identified !!

Just been to my first Muslim birthday party.Musical chairs was a bit slow, but pass the parcel was REALLY quick !

I see Gary Glitter is in court again.Apparently,he has sex with underage girls,doesn't like his picture in the papers and wants everyone to join his gang.He should change his name to Mohammad !!

I was having trouble with my Staffie, so I phoned the vet. "He's brown,aggressive and liable to attack without warning.What should I do" I asked. "Muzzle him" said the vet. "No" I said "I think he's an atheist !"

I've just bought a couple of asylum seekers. Apparently they fell off the back of a lorry !

Geek joke warning !! Why doesn't Magneto wear purple any more ? Because the days of fuscia passed ! (I'll get my coat !)

Punctured bicycle, on a hillside desolate ......