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Outlaw Pete

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Everything posted by Outlaw Pete

  1. Millet; Live, or dried? I'm assuming live then? Paul; Lend me your sparrows! I'll ring the f**king lot of them! (Been going great guns on them, round here, this last few weeks too. If it's there? They'll try eating it!)
  2. Well; The Irish lads needn't give a f**k, anyway
  3. Nice idea, about the spoon, mate. Only ~ I don't know what hatches nests are like, inside but; Swallows have these really grippy little feet, on these nasty, short little legs. And they're the absolute f**kers for gripping the animal hair and feathers the nest is usually lined with. Start trying to scrape Them out with a spoon? Soon find the rings won't stay on ....! Know what I'm saying? Ring sizes? Yeah, I know, mate. I'd use an E ring on, say, a collared dove! Utter chaos, you and me trying to work together. " 'Ere, Fires, bung us an E ring, mate .......... What The F**k Is That?! "
  4. I've just ringed a nest full of half grown swallows. F**king murder, getting them out of the nest, without breaking it up. Then, shoving them all back in there? It's like stuffing five more students into a phone box! But, those little f**kers will be three times their size, and still cramming in there! It's mental what birds do. Oh, and ring size E?! F**k off! It's A for a goldie and B for a house sparrow! Ask Mr Wilkes!
  5. F**k it, Gem; Ye beat me to it! That's exactly what I came in here to say. Well, I s'pose at least we now have a bloke saying it too
  6. Is There any other, mate? All was working fine. Yeah? Now, it's f**ked. Someone must have touched Something. Internet doesn't just blow in here and f**k shit up. Never happens on my Blog. Only I f**k shit up there. By Doing something. Now, we just wait for some smarmy c*** to come along and explain how this was all due to sun spot activity. No one'd touched anything. And Pete is the only c*** round here. Yeah. Right. Believe who ye choose ..... Pssst! Wanna see an Incredible pair of jugs, on a islamic chick ....? PM me. Or I'll disappear too .....
  7. They've f**ked about with and f**ked up AGAIN. Simple's
  8. Is The Hound f**k as like dead! If he was dead, she'd have f**king Killed him ~ the blonde maggot, I mean. (Sorry; I'm so f**king deaf I don't manage to catch half their names) Love her to bits though (The Maggot)! Absolutely bonded to her Word! Faithful as a Dog. Anyone ever hurts her? I'll f**king hate their character for ever! The Hound too; What a f**king character! If I was six foot f**ck. Built like a brick shit house. And able to fight like that ....? Well; At least the language would come naturally!
  9. They'd rather leave it to The Professionals .....
  10. Thanks a f**king Lot for reminding me of that! FFS! Now I need to get blind drunk again, just to try and erase the image!
  11. Saw a great cartoon somewhere, once ..... Bird, laying on a psychiatrists couch. Bird's saying: " My mother used to throw up into my mouth "
  12. So; Do both 'parents' usually feed chicks? And, is it done by regurgitation?
  13. I did do, one time. F**king GSD following some thirteen year old girl about the streets. Decided it wanted some of mine and there's her just smirking as she denies the thing's anything to do with her. It was a right f**king situation. The thing wouldn't actually get to grips. But, I knew, if I dragged mine away, it'd be on their backs. Let my male off, to f**k its shit up? Well; We all know where That would lead to! So, I considered I had no choice. I rang the Police and said I wished to report a Dog Attack. Figured they could have a word with the adults, who were probably entirely unaware of what this kid was up to. Gavver asks me, " 'Dog Attack'? Were you actually bitten then, sir? " He wasn't ready for me when my bloods up! I came straight back with: " If some c*** comes at me with a f**king knife, and I manage to dodge his thrust; Have I not been f**king attacked?! " Never saw that girl or that f**king Dog again.
  14. What the f**king hell's that in ye pocket, Phil?! Or are ye Really pleased with that pup?!
  15. " Evolve " ....? Yeppers. That's what it did, mate. It Evolved. Started 'evolving', after about the seventh or eighth pint ~ like it do ..... Taken me Days to get round to actually Creating it. (Yes. I think that's a nice word) The Creation took a minute or two longer than it took me to go to the other room and fetch the bits in. What a shame I haven't got an ebay account though. I could offer my one. Then, your own advert could point mine out, saying; " Don't accept inferior imitations! " F**k me! That'd be some savage craic!
  16. Millet; Ye not supposed to hold them by the throat when ye feed them! Actually; One of the most incredible stories I'll ever read; Young girl and her bloke are walking through a park, yeah? Then come across, on the footpath, what the photo suggested to be a few day old chick, about the size of ye thumb nail. Now, this girl had never read the book. She decided; " F**k this! It's fell out of a nest? I'll take it home and look after it. " Stupid? Futile? An impulse born of total ignorance of the way of things? Yep. Ye'd think so. Except that later photo's showed a perfectly formed, adult Goldfinch. And there they are, asking; " We think it might be called a 'Goldfinch'? "
  17. Well, so inspired was I by this thread that I decided I should have a go myself! Here's my effort, lads. I hope ye like it! Just Look At The Detail! What ye reckon, boys? Worth a punt on the bay?
  18. No. Your avatar will be banned, because Aldi aren't paying Google their cut .....
  19. Massive Respect and Kudos to who ever the hell originally typed This out! It sure as hell wasn't me! " Firstly, imagine every time within a day that football is mentioned by someone else. Secondly, replace it with something that you don't want to hear about every day. Say... Archaeology. Then, think carefully about how an average day would pan out. So, you awaken to the clock radio. It's 7AM. Just as you awaken, it's time for the news and archaeology already. Not news and other historical investigations, like library restorations or museum openings (unless there's another event happening), but just the news and archaelogy. Malaysian plane is still missing. Pistorius is still on trial. New dig announced in Giza. Ancient Mayan temple discovered. Exciting stuff. Time for a bite to eat over the morning TV. More news. More archaeology. Yes, you are aware of what is up with the missing plane. Fine. Now the archaeology in video format. Video of people dusting off some skulls and bits of pottery. All well and good, but archaeology isn't your thing. It would be nice to hear about something else. Even when it isn't archaeology season, the media follow noted archaeologists. They drive fast cars, date beautiful women, advertise fragrances, and sometimes they go to nightclubs and act in the worst possible way. Scandals erupt as the tabloids follow these new celebrities when they're not searching the past for answers. It is entirely possible you can recite the names of certain researchers, even if you don't pay attention to archaeology. You don't know what transfer season is, but you know that someone was transferred to a dig in Peru for a sum of money that could fund the London Underground for two whole days. Out of the car at 8:55 and into work. What are the colleagues talking about, I wonder? Oh, Jones dropped a 3,890 year old pot and smashed it? What a useless w*nker! Someone should do something unpleasant to him. And don't even ask about the unfortunate incident in Athens two years ago - you'll be there all day! Breaking a pillar like that! We don't talk about that here, mate. What? You don't want to discuss the finer points of the prevalence of phallic imagery in Pompeii? Is there something wrong with you? The drive home from work. Every thirty minutes, no matter the station, someone mentions the archaeology. Best sit in silence. Drive past a huge billboard with a black and white picture of a rakishly handsome archaeologist draped over an impossibly beautiful woman. He's winking at you. Trowel in his left hand, supermodel in the right. Jurassic, by Calvin Klein. And now the pub. A nice pub with a beer garden. Posters in the windows. LIVE EXCAVATION AT THE VALLEY OF THE KINGS! All of it on a huge TV with the volume up too loud. Drunken people yelling at the screen. "SEND IT FOR CARBON DATING, YOU USELESS C*CK!" "WHAT ARE YOU ON, MATE? DUST THE ANCIENT MEDALLION GENTLY! SMELTING METHODS OF THE TIME PRODUCED VERY SOFT AND IMPURE METALS EASILY PRONE TO DISFIGURATION!" All this from two men out of a crowd of twenty. One lousy drunken idiot and his chum ruin the image of other archaeology fans. Carbon dating report from the lab updates on TV, read by a man employed because they've been following the beautiful science since they were a boy. The drunk chimes in again. "WHAT PHARAOH'S REIGN DID YOU SAY? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS SAYS ABOUT THE UNDERPINNINGS OF OUR THEORY OF AGRICULTURAL DEVELOPMENT OF 4TH BC EGYPT? GET IN, MATE!" A cheer cascades through the building and you can only wonder why. Best go home and avoid anyone who might be drinking and singing. You once met a disagreeable chap who threatened to beat you up because you didn't watch the archaeology. "Not a late paleolithic era supporter are you? Think you're better than me? I'll have you, you scrawny tw*t!" To bed. To repeat the cycle tomorrow. The inescapable, inevitability that wherever you go, someone, somewhere, is just dying to talk to you about the archaeology. " Admit it! That Was f**king brilliant, wasn't it? Once again; Absolutely nothing to do with me. I just nicked it, off someone else who's nicked it! Just wait till Gnasher sees this!
  20. Aidy; I could sell a glass of water to a drowning man But; I'd first have to Know that this was the best water Ever, bar none. Now, Mr Wilkes there bought into my sales pitch. So much so that he put his money where his mouth is. And, if you could see the PM's that have just passed between us? Ye'd see how much Absolute delight his progression is generating for Both of us! I'm bouncing off the walls, for him, here! This is possibly an even greater pleasure than I find in ringing, myself. Seeing someone else discover what I share in. " Go for it "? Please do! And Stick At It! F**k the frustrations. The lack of responses. The arseholes making excuses ~ because enough have met that and given up, look. The system's not perfect. And we're all human. Mr Wilkes is as my first born. He's on the road! And I'm absolutely ecstatic! So, yeah, You go for it! Make My Day!
  21. I have been known to knock up the odd drop of stout .....
  22. Can't drive, myself. But, years and years ago, I was chatting to a bloke in a pub. Just a decent seeming, every day bloke. He asked if I wanted a lift home. That was fine by me. I was a couple of miles out. We walked outside and I thought I was on a secret camera TV show! This f**king Thing was lurking there. Awaiting his command. Full on f**king Lamborghini !!! And, yes, the old mouth Did go a bit dry!
  23. :icon_eek: Spadist; WTF was up with me, last night?!? I was patently in a rage about something or other. Yet, I can't remember a damn thing! Strange! Breaking Bad? Yeah. Excellent! Definitely set to go down as one of the classics. Sopranos and The Wire are two epics that every man should see before he dies. I have both the boxed sets here. They've held their value, on Amazon, since Forever! That's testament to them, right there.
  24. Ask me later, mate. Anything I type, in my present level of incandescence, would only make me ban bait! GOT time, methinks!
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