Sjt657

Since we are now pretty sure it actually exists, can we all agree to stop calling it the "God particle?"

Been of work today . My wife really does do jack s#it she went shopping for clothes this morning then lunch with her girl friends home to watch the tennis .!!! I'm in the wrong feckin job

If some one ave you £250 what would you spend it on ?

Just imagine the outrage if animals were forced to work.Cats could get 9 pensions, while dogs would get 7 holidays a year.

What do you get when you breed an elephant with a rabbit?A dead rabbit.

Well done England. And the only time we'll see the words "John Terry" and "cleared" together this summer.

"The Greek have history in this tournament, and Italy are always a threat, but Spain are clearly looking like the favourites at this point"The award for European's Most Skint Country is going to be really tight this year...

Camouflage condoms... She'll never see you cumming.

Rustlers: One finger food.And also one testicle, one hoof, one shoelace and two eyeballs...

Prince Philip was taken to hospital as a precautionary measure earlier.The Queen saw that a black, blind man was on the act list and decided he couldn't be trusted

Joey Barton assaulted outside Liverpool nightclub.Police are said to be treating the incident as hilarious.

Manchester United have successfully renegotiated their contract with referee Howard Webb for next season.Sir Alex Ferguson has said, "He's on a no win, no fee basis."

Google is like a girlfriend.It won't let you finish a sentence without suggesting other ideas.

It's just taken me 3 hours to bury my son's cat.Probably would have been faster if it was dead.

I was having trouble sleeping.The doctor prescribed 10 minutes of an England match but I overdosed...I watched 11 and nearly killed myself.

Bloody stealth let me down again !!!

Anyone know when the THL app is due out ??

Broken my nose again !!!! Grrrr

Pleased to see city win !! Glad to see qpr stay up too !!

The wife said she wanted me to do something to make her feel special, so I bought her a foam helmet.

The wife said she wanted me to do something to make her feel special, so I bought her a foam helmet.

My son asked if we could have a fish-pond built in the garden.I decided , no , we would need a mechanical digger for that , and it might disturb his mother.

We are throwing my mate a divorce party, complete with a stripper.Ironically introducing into his life another woman that wants his money and won't f#ck him ..

This pint of Guinness is not only delicious.....It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of Guinness...

It's been reported today that a dog was shot dead after a sheep attack.It must have been a vicious f#cking sheep !!