Dead Cat

[Welsh_red 4,306]

Ive heard the exact same joke told by Billy Connelly in one of his stand ups. 

[jigsaw 11,809]

Yep.heard it 5 years ago,was even told the name of the company driver involved lol

[MickC 1,825]

Got to be easy 15-20 years the first time I heard this joke.

[scothunter 12,609]

That joke came out with Nelson's eye. 

[leegreen 2,099]

Heard it before and no matter how you tell it, it is shite

[walshie 2,804]

Back when I was a young lad my granddad told me his granddad had told him that one when he was a young lad. 

[CushtyJook 1,097]

Rubbish joke what kind of copper these days asks is the car ok more likely to do you for killing the cat or driving dangerous 

[PLEDGEY 493]

19 hours ago, TOMO said:

its an old joke.....but hes cocked it up telling it....

 

i was driving my car down a lane when a cat runs out......bang......i stop the car...get out look round and see an old tatty cat laid on the verge......i must do the right thing and pts...so u get out a wheel brace...and administer the coupe de grace.....at that point an old lady comes running out the cottage protesting ive killed her faithfull old moggy....i explain that it was the kindest thing......no she says hes been laying asleep on the verge all morning.....after inspecting the car i find a cat wedged in the grill...

I'm not telling a joke. Asked him again today  ''Is this for real or is he taking the piss?, coz this sounds like an old joke''. He says ''No, straight up. His boy was mortified at what had happened''. I told him I want to see pictures of the damage to the car as I'm thinking it's too good to be true.

 

[Welsh_red 4,306]

31 minutes ago, PLEDGEY said:

I'm not telling a joke. Asked him again today  ''Is this for real or is he taking the piss?, coz this sounds like an old joke''. He says ''No, straight up. His boy was mortified at what had happened''. I told him I want to see pictures of the damage to the car as I'm thinking it's too good to be true.

 

Could be his son telling porkies 

[stumfelter 3,032]

This joke was one of the cave paintings found in the wolf caves of northern France and dates from Neolithic times. Do I win?

[peterhunter86 8,627]

That joke was around before prostitution.

[stumfelter 3,032]

3 minutes ago, Rusty_terrier said:

On my travels I once found myself in the world's oldest graveyard . Isolated old place in the middle of nowhere surrounded by thick wood that didn't even allow a glimmer of natural light. Armed with only a 10watt torch I managed to search through the eery space until I found what I was looking for, the world's oldest known gravestone. I shone my torch on it I was horrified at what I saw, carved upon the stone was as follows. 

i was driving my car down a lane when a cat runs out......bang......i stop the car...get out look round and see an old tatty cat laid on the verge......i must do the right thing and pts...so u get out a wheel brace...and administer the coupe de grace.....at that point an old lady comes running out the cottage protesting ive killed her faithfull old moggy....i explain that it was the kindest thing......no she says hes been laying asleep on the verge all morning.....after inspecting the car i find a cat wedged in the grill.

Someone always has to be ridiculous and take it too far. ??

[walshie 2,804]

Guess what this means. 

[keepdiggin 9,216]

29 minutes ago, peterhunter86 said:

That joke was around before prostitution.

how is your mum?

[stumfelter 3,032]

4 minutes ago, walshie said:

Guess what this means. 

Is the fourth hieroglyph from the top on the very left a dead cat perchance?