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#901 bob.243

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Posted 27 September 2017 - 10:47 am

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker.

 

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

 

Ok I'll get my coat.


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#902 Haiddheliwr

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Posted 27 September 2017 - 01:24 pm

:laugh:  :laugh:  :laugh:  :laugh:  :laugh: Brilliant.

x2
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#903 Mister Gain

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Posted 28 September 2017 - 08:18 am

My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with Bruce Willis films.

 

I apologised and told her old habits die hard.



#904 Dinosaurs

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Posted 28 September 2017 - 09:04 am

Yippeekyyay!! Atb

#905 ryaldinhio

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Posted 29 September 2017 - 10:12 pm

I got a new pup today. Little jrt. Lovely little thing he is. Black and tan with a really small patch of white. Im calling him Bradford.
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#906 hawki

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Posted 29 September 2017 - 10:17 pm

do you want a penguin :laugh:

the scottish accent cracks me up  :toast: 

 

 


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#907 beast

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Posted 30 September 2017 - 01:38 am

The mrs says "do you fancy a 69"
I said "how about a 68"
What's that?" She asked
I said "give me a blow job and I owe you one"

#908 Blackbriar

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Posted 03 October 2017 - 04:03 pm


About a month before he died, my dad insisted on having lard smeared all over his back.


He went downhill really fast after that......
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#909 Mister Gain

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Posted 04 October 2017 - 08:27 am

The kids keep taking the p1ss out of my Alzheimers.

 

It won't be so funny when they wake up on Christmas morning and there's no eggs under the bonfire.


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#910 The one

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Posted 04 October 2017 - 08:02 pm

Subject: Donald Trump dies and goes to hell....
 
One day in the future, Donald Trump has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
 
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my
list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here,
so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here
who weren't quite as bad as you.  I'll let one of them go, but you
have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
 
Donald thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened
the door to the first room.
 
In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. Nixon kept
diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and  
over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate
in hell.
 
"No," Donald said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and it would ruin my hair.
I don't think I could do that all day long."
 
The devil led him to the door of the next room.
 
In it was Ronald Reagan with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks.
all he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
 
"No, this is no good; I've got his problem with my shoulder.
I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks
all day," commented Donald.
 
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Donald saw Bill
Clinton , lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his
legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica
Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
 
Donald looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah
man, I can handle this."
 
The devil smiled and said...........    
 
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

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#911 The one

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Posted 04 October 2017 - 08:11 pm

These workmen are installing  bollards to stop nurses from parking on the pavement outside the               Royal Hospital in Belfast .

             

They are cleaning up at the end  of the day.

             

How long do you think it will be before they realise that they can't go home?

                          

This is a real photograph!

 

 

Attached Files


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#912 The one

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Posted 04 October 2017 - 08:13 pm

Attached File  20729589_1659260904107839_7208400076212596076_n.jpg   40.33KB   1 downloads


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#913 forest of dean redneck

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Posted 12 October 2017 - 05:01 pm

Said to the bird at the bus stop when's it due?
She replied I'm not pregnant you arsehole
So I responded I meant the bus you fat cow
Lol
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#914 daveee88

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Posted 13 October 2017 - 10:41 pm

Pretty apt joke for this forum



Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar...
You can't tell me that's just a coincidence
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#915 patterdale

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Posted 13 October 2017 - 11:24 pm

Was invited to a mad house party tonight where the girl whose house it was being held in told everyone in advance that when she got pissed she was going to snort her dead Nan's ashes???



What a letdown...... She only managed half a gran!!




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