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A MONTANA COWBOY, A NATIVE AMERICAN AND A MUSLIM ARE WAITING FOR THEIR PLANE IN A SMALL MONTANA AIRPORT. THE MONTANA COWBOY LEANS BACK IN HIS CHAIR, CROSSES HIS BOOTS ON A MAGAZINE TABLE AND TIPS

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Subject: Donald Trump dies and goes to hell....

One day in the future, Donald Trump has a heart-attack and dies.

He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him.


"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my

list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here,

so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here

who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you

have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."


Donald thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened

the door to the first room.


In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. Nixon kept

diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and

over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate

in hell.


"No," Donald said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and it would ruin my hair.

I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room.


In it was Ronald Reagan with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks.

all he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.


"No, this is no good; I've got his problem with my shoulder.

I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks

all day," commented Donald.


The devil opened a third door. Through it, Donald saw Bill

Clinton , lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his

legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica

Lewinsky, doing what she does best.


Donald looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah

man, I can handle this."


The devil smiled and said...........


"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

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These workmen are installing bollards to stop nurses from parking on the pavement outside the Royal Hospital in Belfast .



They are cleaning up at the end of the day.



How long do you think it will be before they realise that they can't go home?



This is a real photograph!




post-16943-0-37096700-1507147855_thumb.jpg

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Was invited to a mad house party tonight where the girl whose house it was being held in told everyone in advance that when she got pissed she was going to snort her dead Nan's ashes???

 

 

 

What a letdown...... She only managed half a gran!!

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Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.

 

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Bob....' Bob was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

 

St.. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.' Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home....

 

The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'

'Not bad,' replied Bob the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'

'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before? '

'Never,' said Bob.

'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'

Bob did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!

Bob was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell.....

'BOB, wake up....... You've shit the bed!

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On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.

The supermarket manager's daughter brought The teacher a basket of assorted fruit.

The... florist's son brought the teacher a Bouquet of flowers.

The candy-store owner's daughter gave the Teacher a pretty box of candy.

Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.

The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking

A little bit..She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.

"Is it wine?" she guessed. "No," the boy replied.

She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne?"

 

"No," said the little boy............."It's a puppy!"

.

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A Foreign legionnaire is sent to his desert posting, for a 2 year stint.

When he arrives, the CO tells him "There are no women anywhere nearby, so you will have to make use of the camels !"

After 3 months he can stand it no longer, and sneaks off in the night to the camel enclosure, and fulfills his manly urge. The following morning, he is called to the CO who wants to know what he was doing there.

The legionnaire says "You told me that I should make use of the camels, sir."

The CO says "I did - but most of us ride them into town !"

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A fight broke out at a big Irish wedding, with the Garda attending.

In the court the judge asked "Can anyone tell me how the fight started exactly?"

Paddy put up his hand and said "I can judge."

"OK Paddy" says the judge "tell us in your own time."

Paddy explains "I was best man at this wedding and I was dancing with the bride, we were dancing quite close, and suddenly the groom stormed up and kicked the bride right in the fanny."

"Wow" said the judge "that must've hurt."

"Hurt" says Paddy "I'll say it hurt, he broke three of my fingers."

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