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The Queen visits a scottish army hospital and visits ward A. Inside is a Scots Soldier lying on his front with a cage and a blanket over his Bum. The Queen turns to him amd says

"And What are you in for???"

"Ma'am I've Got a terrible bout of Dysentry"

"Gosh"replies the Queen"And Whats the treatment for that?"

"Wire Brush and Dettol three times a day"he says

" And Do You Have any ambition left in life?" She Asks

"Yes Ma'am To Beat this terrible affliction and get back to serve for my Queen and Country"he replies

"That's Mighty Brave Of You "she says and pins a medal of honour on his Bum

 

So Then SHe Moves Onto the second Patient Of Th Three And Asks:-

"And What are you in for???"

"Ma'am Iv'e Got a terrible strain of genital Herpes"

"Gosh"replies the Queen"And Whats the treatment for that?"

"Wire Brush and Dettol three times a day" he says

" And Do You Have any ambition left in life?" She Asks

"Yes Ma'am To Beat this terrible affliction and get back to serve for my Queen and Country"he replies

"That's Mighty Brave Of You "she says and pins a medal of honour on his Chest

She Moves Onto the Last Patient and asks

"What are you in for???"

The soldier replies in a croaky voice

"tonsilitis"

"And Whats the treatment for that?"

"Wire Brush and dettol three times a day ma'am "comes the croaky reply"

"Ohhhh Is'nt that awfully painful"She Asks

"Whatever it takes to beat this affliction and get back to serving My Queen And Country"He Says Proudly

"And Do You Have any ambition left in life"she asks

"yes" The Man Replies "To get the Wire brush and dettol before those two dirty Ba***rds!!!"

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A MONTANA COWBOY, A NATIVE AMERICAN AND A MUSLIM ARE WAITING FOR THEIR PLANE IN A SMALL MONTANA AIRPORT. THE MONTANA COWBOY LEANS BACK IN HIS CHAIR, CROSSES HIS BOOTS ON A MAGAZINE TABLE AND TIPS

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A woman is standing at the edge of a cliff trying to get the nerve to jump off. A passing tramp stops and says, "hello babe since you're about to kill yourself, if you don't mind, could we have sex?" The woman says, "No, f**k off." The tramp turns to leave and mutters to himself, "Fine, f**k ya then I'll just go and wait at the bottom."

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Lad says to his mate, "Can you keep a secret ?."

"Yeh, of course." his mate replies.

Lad says "Don't tell anyone, but I've been have sex regularly with a pair of twins."

"You lucky, lucky b*****d, " his mate replies "but how can you tell them apart ?"

Lad replies "It's easy, Jennifer's got long blonde hair and Derek's got a penis."

i got banned off another forum for that one :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

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Paddy and his good wife are lying in bed, but they can't get to sleep

because of their neighbours dog who is out the back barking away.

After about an hour Paddy says "I can't take any more of this," he jumps out

of bed, pulls on his clothes and heads downstairs and out the back door.

Five minutes later he's back in bed and the dog is still barking, his wife asks

"what did you do Paddy" and Paddy replied, "I've put the dog in our garden, let's

see how them feckers next door like it."

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Little lad runs into the kitchen & says to his mum Nana's got a prawn between her legs bewildered the mum goes into the lounge & Nana is asleep on the sofa legs wide open big baggy knickers all to one side showing off her bits. The Mum says thats not a prawn darling its nana's clitoris... Oh says the little boy it tastes like a prawn!!!! ?

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Was riding this fat bird once so I m on top of er an looks down fcuk I said if I fall from here I'll be hurt . She wasn't to happy I said no seriously I can see my house from up here she snapped get off me she said so I rolled over to get off her twice it took me

Edited by delboy_187
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Was riding this fat bird once so I m on top of er an looks down fcuk I said if I fall from here I'll be hurt . She wasn't to happy I said no seriously I can see my house from up here she snapped get off me she said so I rolled over to get off her twice it took me

I knew that girl. I was "on the job" with her, and I said "Can we switch the light off ?"

She said "Why......are you shy ?"

I said "No - it's burning my ar5e !"

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Was riding this fat bird once so I m on top of er an looks down fcuk I said if I fall from here I'll be hurt . She wasn't to happy I said no seriously I can see my house from up here she snapped get off me she said so I rolled over to get off her twice it took me

I knew that girl. I was "on the job" with her, and I said "Can we switch the light off ?"

She said "Why......are you shy ?"

I said "No - it's burning my ar5e !"

 

Do you still have her number

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Was riding this fat bird once so I m on top of er an looks down fcuk I said if I fall from here I'll be hurt . She wasn't to happy I said no seriously I can see my house from up here she snapped get off me she said so I rolled over to get off her twice it took me

I knew that girl. I was "on the job" with her, and I said "Can we switch the light off ?"

She said "Why......are you shy ?"

I said "No - it's burning my ar5e !"

Do you still have her number

Lost her number, but her name was Marge.......because she spreads easily !

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