Funny Joke Thread

[waltjnr 5,971]

We have the local bike! They have the local donkey! Dirty b*****ds!

[bob.243 7,526]

.Some b*stard's just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the
washing line. She's not bothered about the knickers she wants the 12
pegs back.

[Blackbriar 8,568]

I volunteered to help with the Great British Sheep survey......but I fell asleep halfway through !

[bob.243 7,526]

So, I was walking through the mall and I saw a Muslim Book Store.
I was wondering what was in a Muslim bookstore so I went in.
As I was wandering around, the assistant stopped me and asked if he could help me.
I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked,
“Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding...
Muslims and illegal Mexicans? ”
The clerk said, "F*ck off, get out and stay out!”
I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?

[neil cooney 10,415]

What's worse than falling asleep at a party, waking up and finding that someones drawn a cock and balls on your face ???????????????

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finding out it was traced !!!!!!!!!!!

[dave88 1,565]

A little muslim kid's walking around Sainsbury's and can't find his mum

"What does she look like?" says the store attendant

"Well she's got brown eyes"....

[bob.243 7,526]

.

[Dinosaurs 2,008]

Makes you wonder how many in the Chain?? Atb

[stealthy1 3,964]

I'd hang on to them, they'll be worth more money when we shut the borders.

[Mister Gain 1,759]

My old dutch turned 60 recently, and a day later it was our 42nd wedding anniversary so I bought her a pair of crotchless knickers.

 

She smiled and said "That's rather romantic"

 

I replied "It's got nothing to do with romance, I just thought it would give you a better grip on your broomstick"

[bob.243 7,526]

.

[bob.243 7,526]

I went to a mate's wedding and
I whispered to a bloke next to me "isn't the bride a right ugly b*stard".
"Do you mind? That's my daughter you're talking about"
"I'm really sorry, I didn't know you were her father"
"I'm not. I'm her mother you cheeky c*nt !!!

.

[neil cooney 10,415]

Next week is national diarrhea week.

 

Runs 'till Sunday.

[Blackbriar 8,568]

.

 

Years ago, I heard a story about Ozzie Osborne's tour bus being stopped by the police. The officer asked "Do you have any drugs on the vehicle ?".

 

Ozzie starts rooting round and says "I'm sure we can find you something. What you after ?"

[peterhunter86 8,627]

 

.

Years ago, I heard a story about Ozzie Osborne's tour bus being stopped by the police. The officer asked "Do you have any drugs on the vehicle ?".

Ozzie starts rooting round and says "I'm sure we can find you something. What you after ?"

.

 

 

 

When I was a teenager me and two mate's we're walking up to the chippie when we were pulled for a stop and search and one of the copper's ask my mate have you any syringes on you my mate looked totally shocked and said fcukoff and get your own you scumbag.

I never laughed as much in my life.