Haiddheliwr 1,911 Posted July 22, 2017 Report Share Posted July 22, 2017 Fingering my missus, is like trying to retrieve a £1 coin from inside an old leather sofa.I know Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Haiddheliwr 1,911 Posted July 22, 2017 Report Share Posted July 22, 2017 And I Do! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,568 Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society . "In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society". After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?" "Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery", asked the couple? "Because I am the artist, who painted the picture", he replied, "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch" 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bird 9,587 Posted July 23, 2017 Report Share Posted July 23, 2017 A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausage?" The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?" The guy, clearly offended says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?" The assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't." The guy says, "Well then, just because I asked for Irish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Irish?" The assistant replied, "Because you're in Halfords." good one Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,568 Posted July 24, 2017 Report Share Posted July 24, 2017 Women are like bacon - the look good, smell good and taste good...... .....and very slowly kill you ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mister Gain 1,759 Posted July 29, 2017 Report Share Posted July 29, 2017 Bought one of those new U2 sat navs, absolute fcuking rubbish, the streets have no names and I still haven't found what I'm looking for. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mister Gain 1,759 Posted August 3, 2017 Report Share Posted August 3, 2017 OK son, you just point out which one called you a wanker! 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mister Gain 1,759 Posted August 5, 2017 Report Share Posted August 5, 2017 Dear Dierdre Please help me. My neighbour's 20 year old daughter was sunbathing topless in the garden the other day. I took the chance to peek out of our bathroom window and have a cheeky w*nk. As I finished I turned round and my wife was standing there, arms folded, watching me. Is my wife a pervert? 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
johnny.w 316 Posted August 7, 2017 Report Share Posted August 7, 2017 I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 7,511 Posted August 9, 2017 Report Share Posted August 9, 2017 . 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Foxpack 2 7,848 Posted August 12, 2017 Report Share Posted August 12, 2017 "You've got liquorice all over your penis," said the doctor. "What've you been up to?" "f***ing allsorts," I replied. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
smithie 2,424 Posted August 12, 2017 Report Share Posted August 12, 2017 An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about their sons. My son was born on St George’s Day,“ commented the English man. "So we obviously decided to call him George” “That’s a real coincidence,” remarked the Scot. “My son was born on St Andrew’s Day, so obviously we decided to call him Andrew.” “That’s incredible, what a coincidence, "said the Irishman. "Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.” 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The one 8,395 Posted August 12, 2017 Report Share Posted August 12, 2017 . . . . . . Subject: Irish craic Paddy had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be The Man of Your House.' He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax, You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?' His wife Maggie replied, "The f***ing funeral director would be my first guess." 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The one 8,395 Posted August 12, 2017 Report Share Posted August 12, 2017 t: : A HYPOTHETICAL SCENARIO .. OR IS IT? Scenario: Donald Trump having an audience with the Queen of England . TRUMP: Your Queenship, you do an a-maazing job running an efficient government I gotta tell ya. How do you do it? QUEEN: Mr. President, it's most important to surround yourself with intelligent people.TRUMP: Well, I'm very slowly finding out the unintelligent guys around me and then ... not that I want to but I gotta fire 'em. Terrible!! QUEEN: Why don't you first give them an intelligent riddle to solve. I'll give you an example.The queen requests for England 's Prime Minister, Theresa May to be presented to her.QUEEN: Prime Minister, please solve this riddle if you can. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother nor your sister. Who is it?PM: Your Majesty, that would be me!Thoroughly impressed, on his return to the White House, Trump summons for Mike Pence.TRUMP: Mike, see if you can solve this riddle. Your mother and father have a child but ... it's not your brother and it's certainly not your sister ... so then who is it?PENCE: Donald ... let me get back to you on that one.His advisors were unable to solve the riddle and as it happened, he ran into Hillary Clinton. In desperation he sought her help. PENCE: Your mother and father have a child. it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?HILLARY: Why, that would be me of course! PENCE: Mr. President, I did some research and the answer to that riddle is Hillary Clinton!TRUMP: NO, YOU IDIOT!!! IT'S THERESA MAY!!!... AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS PRECISELY WHAT'S GOING ON AT THE WHITE HOUSE. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
C556 351 Posted August 13, 2017 Report Share Posted August 13, 2017 Oh no... http://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2017/08/fifteen-muslim-teens-treated-rabies-sex-local-donkey/ It's no joke but it made me laugh. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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