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Funny Joke Thread

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The Pope ,Bob Geldoff, Michael Jackson and a boy scout were on a two engined plane crossing the Atlantic......

 

 

Well that boy scout is going to be f****d then :laugh:

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What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo ?

 

One is a very heavy African mammal, the other is a little lighter.......

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A brown fella runs into the doctors screaming and shouting help me help me

I'm melting

Doctor says calm down man you've got the shits

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A terrier man knocks the door of a brothel

A woman answers and asks what he wants

The terrier man asks what can I get for £1.50p

The lady says go have a wank

3 minutes later the terrier man returned and knocked the door again

The Same lady answers and says what now

The terrier lad say WHO DO I PAY

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What's the difference between a computer and a Labour voter ?

 

 

You only have to punch information into a computer ONCE !

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An Eskimo visits Ireland and is driving along when his car breaks down.

There's a garage only a few yards up the road so he pushes his car into it and asks the mechanic to have a look under the bonnet.

It's a hot day so he goes into the shop and buys himself a choc ice.

When he's finished he strolls over to the mechanic.

The mechanic looks at him and says "you've blown a seal."

The Eskimo wipes his lips and says "No mate, it's just ice cream."

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Fella goes into the doctors and says "Doctor Doctor, I feel like a bar of soap" the docter turns to him and says "Well that's life buoy"

Edited by flipbull
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Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks How do you drive this thing?

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Mick walks into paddys barn and catches him dancing naked and knocking one out in front if he's tractor .

He says what the f**k are ya doing mate ?

Paddy says " well you know Mary and me haven't been getting on in the bedroom , so we went to see a therapist and he reckons I do something sexy to attractor 😀

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Bill and Ben (the flower pot men) where in the bath. Bill farted and and Ben turns around and says "It's 2.30 mate"

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One the kids like :thumbs:

3 Brothers named Manners,f**k Off and Dog Shit found a well in a field, and dog shit spots a gold coin at the bottom just as its going dark. The other 2 encourage him to get down there and get it. So after taking so long to get down its now gone dark, so manners shouts down any joy dog shit he say nah mate. So f**k offs says get down there and give him a hand! So He climbs down to. After about 2 hours and still no joy finding the gold coin, f**k off hears a voice from behind saying hello,hello, hello what are you doing here then, f**k off turns around and says and sees a policeman and says nothing sir. Thinking he was acting suspiciously the police man asked his name and replies f**k off, the policeman says wheres your manners boy and he says he's down ther looking for dog shit.

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One the kids like :thumbs:

3 Brothers named Manners,f**k Off and Dog Shit found a well in a field, and dog shit spots a gold coin at the bottom just as its going dark. The other 2 encourage him to get down there and get it. So after taking so long to get down its now gone dark, so manners shouts down any joy dog shit he say nah mate. So f**k offs says get down there and give him a hand! So He climbs down to. After about 2 hours and still no joy finding the gold coin, f**k off hears a voice from behind saying hello,hello, hello what are you doing here then, f**k off turns around and says and sees a policeman and says nothing sir. Thinking he was acting suspiciously the police man asked his name and replies f**k off, the policeman says wheres your manners boy and he says he's down ther looking for dog shit.

 

Haha thats an old one

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One the kids like :thumbs:

3 Brothers named Manners,f**k Off and Dog Shit found a well in a field, and dog shit spots a gold coin at the bottom just as its going dark. The other 2 encourage him to get down there and get it. So after taking so long to get down its now gone dark, so manners shouts down any joy dog shit he say nah mate. So f**k offs says get down there and give him a hand! So He climbs down to. After about 2 hours and still no joy finding the gold coin, f**k off hears a voice from behind saying hello,hello, hello what are you doing here then, f**k off turns around and says and sees a policeman and says nothing sir. Thinking he was acting suspiciously the police man asked his name and replies f**k off, the policeman says wheres your manners boy and he says he's down ther looking for dog shit.

 

Haha thats an old one

 

It certainly is mate haha my young lad always asks me to tell his mates it Pete and still buzzes off it. Knew it since being a kid myself. :thumbs:

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A chap goes to his GP, and asks about contraception for his teenage daughter.

The doctor asks "Is she sexually active ?"

"No", says the chap, " she just lays there, like her mother !"

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