Blackbriar 8,568 Posted January 6, 2018 Report Share Posted January 6, 2018 Five surgeons were talking about the best patients... First surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered." Second surgeon says, "Nah - librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order." Third surgeon responds, "Try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded!" Fourth surgeon intercedes, "I prefer lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and ar5es are interchangeable." To which the fifth surgeon, who has been quietly listening to the conversation, says, "I like engineers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryaldinhio 4,122 Posted January 7, 2018 Report Share Posted January 7, 2018 Try this mathematical film test. It's pretty amazing. Mine turned out to be "Jaws". I was surprised how this worked. This test will predict which of the 18 films listed below is your favourite. Don't ask me how, but it really works! Don't cheat and look at the film list till you have done the maths! Here goes... Film Test: Pick a number from 1-9. Multiply by 3. Add 3. Multiply by 3 again. Now add the two digits together to find your predicted favourite film in the list of 18 films below. Film List: 1. Gone With The Wind 2. E.T. 3. Beverly Hills Cop 4. Star Wars 5. Forrest Gump 6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly 7. Jaws 8. Grease 9. The Joy of Gay Anal Fisting 10. Casablanca 11. Jurassic Park 12. Shrek 13. Pirates of the Caribbean 14. Titanic 15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark 16. Home Alone 17. Mrs. Doubtfire 18. Toy Story 1 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dinosaurs 2,007 Posted January 7, 2018 Report Share Posted January 7, 2018 Very clever /funny ?. Atb Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dytkos 17,528 Posted January 7, 2018 Report Share Posted January 7, 2018 I got Forest Gump, never seen it cos I cant stand Tom Wanks Cheers, D. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
blackmaggie 3,375 Posted January 7, 2018 Report Share Posted January 7, 2018 (edited) 24 pakis have been killed in Bradford it wasn't a terrorist attack but a bunk bed collapsed police are blaming al IKEA Edited January 7, 2018 by blackmaggie 2 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
blackmaggie 3,375 Posted January 7, 2018 Report Share Posted January 7, 2018 A black Jewish kid runs home from school and asks his dad I'm I more Jewish than black the dad asks why son because a kid at school is selling a bike for fifty pound and I want to know whether to try and knock him down to forty or just steal it How do you get black kids to stop jumping on the bed put Velcro on the ceiling Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PLEDGEY 493 Posted January 7, 2018 Report Share Posted January 7, 2018 What has smoking and eating pussy got in common?. You get more flavour the closer you get to the butt!. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
walshie 2,804 Posted January 7, 2018 Report Share Posted January 7, 2018 My Paki mate showed me his new tattoo. I said "is that one of those henna ones that washes off?" He said "I don't know." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mark williams 7,549 Posted January 7, 2018 Report Share Posted January 7, 2018 Friday pay day,- building game. Went for a Friday Chinese and I gave the new apprentice the dinner list, Usual shit. Chips, rice and curry. Singapore chow mein. Beef curry - extra hot with fried rice. You know the score lads, but what I did add to the list was this A " Foo King Special" The Chinese shop owner came out from the cooking area and at the front of a full shop and shouted - " We no do fooking Specials" ! - my apprentice shouted ,- " You do, my boss had one last Friday" ! Chef shouts, "HEY ! We no do Fooking Specials" ! Well the shop queue was in uproar with laughter , the lads in our van were in hysterics and my apprentice just laughingly mouthed " You Barstuard" through the window. atb lads, Mark. 1 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Furrosious ferreter 499 Posted January 7, 2018 Report Share Posted January 7, 2018 I had a doctors appointment and was running late for a job interview, Got in to see the doctor and he said "I need to leave a urine, fecease and semem sample. I explained to him that i was in a bit of a hurry, and was it ok if i just left my pants. FF Quote Link to post Share on other sites
neil cooney 10,415 Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 14 hours ago, mark williams said: Friday pay day,- building game. Went for a Friday Chinese and I gave the new apprentice the dinner list, Usual shit. Chips, rice and curry. Singapore chow mein. Beef curry - extra hot with fried rice. You know the score lads, but what I did add to the list was this A " Foo King Special" The Chinese shop owner came out from the cooking area and at the front of a full shop and shouted - " We no do fooking Specials" ! - my apprentice shouted ,- " You do, my boss had one last Friday" ! Chef shouts, "HEY ! We no do Fooking Specials" ! Well the shop queue was in uproar with laughter , the lads in our van were in hysterics and my apprentice just laughingly mouthed " You Barstuard" through the window. atb lads, Mark. Done a similar one years ago when the boss asked what I wanted in the Chinese. Thinking he'd have heard it before I asked for the "Cream of sumyunguy" but he hadn't heard it before and rang it in. I could hear the girl down the phone telling him "yeh yeh, heard it before, what do you really want ?" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
walshie 2,804 Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 A gunman has broken into the Celebrity Big Brother house and killed everyone. Victims are still to be identified. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Furrosious ferreter 499 Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 I asked a pizza place if they d'liver, they replied "yes". So i asked if i could have a liver and bacon pizza. They just laughed. FF 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
blackmaggie 3,375 Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 1 hour ago, Furrosious ferreter said: I asked a pizza place if they d'liver, they replied "yes". So i asked if i could have a liver and bacon pizza. They just laughed. FF I remember hearing that on a radio prank phone call to a Scottish takeaway I don't know how to put the link up but he's far from laughing Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dinosaurs 2,007 Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 Theres another good one of a lad asking Chinky if they do takeaways then giving him a load of sums. Atb 2 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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