neil cooney 10,415 Posted November 12, 2017 Report Share Posted November 12, 2017 A fellow has a small business that employs 2 people, Mary and Jack. Time's got hard and he decides he has to let one of them go, but he can't decide on who. First into work the next morning is Mary, and she has a bad hangover. He says to her "Mary, I have to lay you or Jack off." She replies "Have yerself a wank then, I'm f****n' dying." 3 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mackem 23,691 Posted November 13, 2017 Report Share Posted November 13, 2017 2 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 7,512 Posted November 13, 2017 Report Share Posted November 13, 2017 . 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 7,512 Posted November 15, 2017 Report Share Posted November 15, 2017 A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'. The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?' The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 7,512 Posted November 16, 2017 Report Share Posted November 16, 2017 . 2 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,568 Posted November 24, 2017 Report Share Posted November 24, 2017 Animal rights activists have broken into Battersea Dogs Home, and released over 400 dogs....... .........police are desperate for leads ! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bird 9,587 Posted November 25, 2017 Report Share Posted November 25, 2017 10 hours ago, Blackbriar said: Animal rights activists have broken into Battersea Dogs Home, and released over 400 dogs....... .........police are desperate for leads ! you bet they aint pits or bullxs though lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jukel123 6,570 Posted November 25, 2017 Report Share Posted November 25, 2017 On 26/10/2017 at 01:10, Blackbriar said: Will the 2020 Paralympics have events for the blind ? I'm very slow, I don't get it. Please explain. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
johnny boy68 11,725 Posted November 25, 2017 Report Share Posted November 25, 2017 "I invited a friend for supper" he said to his wife. "Are you crazy? The house is a mess and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal" The husband said "I know all that." The wife replied "Then why did you invite him?" He said "Cause the poor fool's thinking about getting married." 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
peterhunter86 8,627 Posted November 25, 2017 Report Share Posted November 25, 2017 1 hour ago, jukel123 said: I'm very slow, I don't get it. Please explain. 2020 vision. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,568 Posted November 25, 2017 Report Share Posted November 25, 2017 2 hours ago, jukel123 said: I'm very slow, I don't get it. Please explain. 20/20......... vision..........blind ? Never mind. I'll fetch your coat ! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jukel123 6,570 Posted November 25, 2017 Report Share Posted November 25, 2017 Ah yes I see. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,568 Posted November 25, 2017 Report Share Posted November 25, 2017 What's the difference between a computer and Jukel ? You only have to punch information into a computer once ! 2 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jukel123 6,570 Posted November 25, 2017 Report Share Posted November 25, 2017 f**k off. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Foxpack 2 7,848 Posted November 25, 2017 Report Share Posted November 25, 2017 12 days of Jeremy Kyle 12 cans of carling, 11 DNA tests, 10 dads to choose from, 9 teeth between them, 8 squeezed in tracksuits, 7 stinking smackrats, 6 Dunlop trainers, 5 stolen rings, 4 fat slags, 3 ugly twats, 2 timing c**ts, and a wanker who parades them on TV…… 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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