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A little joke.


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Guest whippet

Paddy the irishman decided to take an intelligence test. So he went along to the MENSA centre, was invited into a room and participated in several small mathematical and visual tests, these he passed well. As a final test the MENSA official asked Paddy to use the word 'contagious' in a sentance.

Paddy thought about it for a few minutes, then replied

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"I went out foxin' with ma mate, I told him to him to dig a hole and it took the contagious."

 

:yahoo::yahoo::yahoo::D

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a man driving home from work see's a imigrant eating grass on the side of the road, so he asks him if he wants to come home with him, the migrant asks if he can bring his 2 wifes and his 8 kids with him, the driver says f**k off ive only a small lawn.

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Guest nastybilly

a guy shoots a deer and takes it home to cook, but he wont tell the kids what it is coz they just watched bamby, so the wee girl asks what it is when he serves it up, i'll give you a clue said the dad, its what mummy sometimes calls daddy....the little girl turns to her brother and and shouts dont eat it, its and feken arsehole

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a guy shoots a deer and takes it home to cook, but he wont tell the kids what it is coz they just watched bamby, so the wee girl asks what it is when he serves it up, i'll give you a clue said the dad, its what mummy sometimes calls daddy....the little girl turns to her brother and and shouts dont eat it, its and feken arsehole

 

 

:11:

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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.â€

 

So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

 

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.â€

 

So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

 

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

.

 

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.â€

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.†He did not say “Eat me†.

12) The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry,.

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

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